Today, October 11th, is National Coming Out Day! For those who are bisexual, pansexual, or more fluid in their identification with their sexuality National Coming Out Day can sometimes feel alienating. Many who do not identify as being attracted to one specific sex can end up not having a "coming out." For instance, Kelleen Maluski your Student Success and Engagement Librarian, identifies as bisexual and has been in a heteronormative seeming relationship since college. She also had experiences of being told bisexuality was not real from both straight and gay/lesbian community members. Being met with the denial of her identity when trying to discuss such an important realization meant that she never felt coming out was an option. From there people just made blanket assumptions about her sexuality. There was less a moment of coming out and more continuous scenarios that required her to come out to smaller groups or individuals.
Your Scholarly Communications and Digital Librarian, Jonathan Pringle, had a very different experience himself:
My coming out story ultimately came from necessity rather than careful consideration. For years I hid my gay identity behind the common excuses of “I’m not dating because I’m busy with other things;” and “I’ve gone on a date but it didn’t click” to punt the eventual revelation a little further down the road. I knew I was gay ever since I was in grade school, but growing up in the 80s and 90s meant keeping quiet, even while jealously watching my straight friends start dating and it feeling what I perceived to be normal to them. Dating girls, for me, did not feel natural. I came out my second year of University, but to close friends and coworkers only. A few years later, I had fallen hard for a gay (male) friend who at that time was out to everyone. In order to ‘prove’ to him that I was committed to being with him, I immediately called my parents and broke the news to them that I was gay. They were loving and supportive, if not a little cautious with their response. They were worried they would say something that was unsupportive. Word eventually reached the rest of my family. All was well, but the hopeful romance with my friend eroded shortly afterwards. While this stung, I knew that I had ultimately done the right thing long-term. I am now in a committed marriage, having been with my husband for (now) over 10 years.
So on this National Coming Out Day it is important to realize the experiences of the entire LGBTQ+ community and that it is made of smaller communities who have had different experiences than those usually assumed. Be sure to check out the Human Rights Campaign page about National Coming Out Day where you can also find recorded stories from many members of the LGBTQ+ community!