Alt text: Purple ribbon for domestic violence awareness
October is National Domestic Violence awareness month. Domestic violence is something that can impact people from all backgrounds regardless of their sexual orientation, socio economic status, religion, gender, or age. The ripple effects of domestic violence can be long lasting and often impact the victim, their family, and their friends for many years even after the abuse has stopped.
Why didn’t the person being affected by abuse just leave?
This is one of the worst questions to ask and unfortunately, it is one of the first questions that comes to mind because it is a phrase and thought that has been perpetuated throughout society. While this may seem like an innocent question, it leads to victim blaming and shaming and is harmful. We never know what the victim is going through and leaving can be a very difficult process for many different reasons, none of which we can know without being in that position.
Instead of asking why the person didn’t leave, let us recognize that domestic violence can take many different forms that are usually not physical in nature. The power and control wheel is a representation of these many forms and while it is by no means all encompassing, it still can serve as a good reminder of the many different forms of abuse that can exist between partners.
Instead of assigning any blame to someone experiencing domestic violence let’s be aware that the issue of domestic violence is extremely underreported and we probably know a person who either has experienced it or is currently experiencing it.
How can you help? Or how can you get help? Please be safe online but know there are resources and people that can help.
New Mexico Resources:
New Mexico Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence Resource Center
Domestic Violence and Abuse Survivors Housing
https://housingnm.org/find-housing/emergency-shelter/domestic-violence-and-abuse-survivors
National Resources:
National Domestic Violence Hotline